Monday, January 27, 2014


I had a whole post in my head about how we as Christians shouldn't shun people who are not like us and things like that because I feel strongly about that, and will probably still write it and save it for later. But today I have been discussing Valentine's Day and the sweetheart banquet at our church that I am expected to help put on because my Sunday School class is in charge of the food and decorations and various things like that.  I am still single (even though I am talking to someone), but that is not why I hate Valentine's Day.  I think it is a manufactured holiday that people pressure their significant others into commitments they may not be ready to make or buy expensive gifts they can't afford or get fat from chocolate, but that is a whole other soapbox to stand on another time.

I am really not looking forward to the Banquet because my ex and former best friend will be there. I feel betrayed my both of them.  Even though it has been years, since the main drama happened (they have kept it going), I still have very negative feelings toward them.  I feel like I should be over it now, but truth is every time I see them I remember how close I was to each of them and what he have now is nowhere close to what it was.

They remind me that people will hurt you to get what they want in life. They remind me that people are not always who they say they are. They remind me that people are not perfect. They remind me that people will put themselves first.  They remind me that people will lie to you.

Even with all of that, though, I have to be able to forgive and so far I am not doing well with that this last time.  There have been times when I had peace about the situation and felt like I had truly forgiven them, and then one of them would do or say something to start the drama all over again, and I begin the fight with bitterness, hurt and anger all over again.  Forgiveness is not easy for me. I feel entitled to my hurt.  I feel because they hurt me, I should be able to hurt them without consequences.

I was listening to a lesson on forgiveness, and Jesus says we must forgive others or we will not be forgiven.  And not just once but over and over and over.  I sometimes feel like they have reached their limit and I shouldn't have to forgive them anymore, but then I am reminded how many times Jesus has forgiven me and I still haven't reached a limit with Him.  And we are called as Christians to be like Him, so therefore I have to forgive without limits also.

Forgiveness is not for the other person though. It is for ourselves. The other person could honestly care less if I am upset with them or not, but it is spiritually and emotionally killing me.  I cannot do anything about what they did to me, but I can forgive and move on. I am not their judge nor do I want to be, I have to worry about myself.

So for Valentine's I am buying a fabulous dress and going to do lots of praying and soul searching.

What are your thoughts and opinions on Valentine's Day?

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