Intentional Living

I was reading an e book on organization sometime last week, and it asked the question what do you want your life to look like?  I have pondered on this question since I read it and have been writing down things I want my life to look like, but the one theme I keep coming up with is intentional.

I want to live with a purpose and clear goals.  I want to feel like I am pleasing God and my life is making a difference to someone. I want a challenge in life, not just to sit at a desk and do the same thing every week.

I have a picture in my head where I can work at the school four days a week (because that is all they go) and work from home in my home office/craft room the rest of the time.  I would come home to a wonderful family and be able to take care of them.  I would be able to teach them from Scripture and see them grow up and have families of their own.

I hadn't realized that this was my dream until I was asked what I wanted my life to look like. I kinda always had the picture in the back of my mind but it wasn't clear until this past week, but now I know what my dreams are I can work on making them come true.

The only problem I have with my dreams is making sure it's God's Will for my life. I am praying about them but I never quite know for sure.  I tend to think I wouldn't have them if He hadn't put them there, but then again it could be a distraction from the other side.  I think God will give me what I need as long as I follow Him and try to live intentional.  I really don't want to live just floating by letting life pass me by while I sit in an office working on trip reports week after week.

How do you live intentionally? What would your dream life look like?

One Day At a Time

I am at work and it is snowing again! The last few weeks I have had this feeling like I wasn't doing enough with my life that actually mattered.  I whined at my mom about it and I whined to another friend who was sweet enough to listen to me while dealing with her own struggles.

But then I thought, this whining will get me nowhere.  All I was doing was having a pity party waiting for someone to just drop something in my lap that I thought mattered. Then it hit me.  No one is going to just "drop" something in my lap.  I have to pray and find it and then work for it.

Well that sent me into a new round of anxiety about how I had to find my purpose or calling and get it done that week and plan my whole life around for the next fifty years. And that doesn't really make sense either.

My pastor preached Sunday about taking one day at a time, and how we don't have to hold the burdens from the past and the future at the same time we hold the present.  I have realized, I have a few great ideas that may all come into one sometime in the future, but I don't have to get everything done today.  I need to work on these goals a little by little and accomplish them one day at a time.

I don't need to keep beating myself up for the regrets of my past (and let's face it, who doesn't have at least one?) or driving myself crazy over my future.  He already has it planned out.  All I have to do is seek His face and trust Him to have it all under control and finish the goals He placed before me for today.

I hope everyone has a safe snow day and that you can stay at home where you can be cozy!

Bragging (just a little)

So for the most part this has been a horrendous week, at least it started out that way, but yesterday it got better.  I was volunteering at the school yesterday and then I had the chance to go see one of my wonderful students give a speech for the school. She was so nervous she could hardly talk on the way up there.  She personally asked me to go, and then asked to ride with me (made me feel so special that she wants me!)  We went to eat and she couldn't even eat! But this girl gave it her all and won 3rd for the area which included thirteen counties! I am so so so proud of her!

 Receiving her medal and money!

Her little sister!

A picture after to celebrate it being over!

Giving the wonderful speech

 Supper

Speech coach and personal friend!

I Have Decided to Follow

My church sang a song Sunday morning.  It is a very simple song but full of implications.  It was "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus."  This song has been on my mind since.  What does it mean to truly follow? AM I truly following Jesus? Do I want to turn back?

Following means that you will do whatever the person you are following does and tells you to do. Jesus loved others. Jesus did not complain. Jesus did not do or say things out of spite. Jesus prayed and immersed Himself in Scripture.  I say I follow Jesus but I have fallen short in all these areas and most of them just last week.  There are days I question God's plan for me. There are days all I do all day is grumble about something.  There are days I do not give Jesus a first thought much less a second thought.  Just typing that sentence makes me feel like a failure at being a Christian.  Jesus also has grace, which I am thankful for that He gives me, but there are days I don't show grace to others.  I hold the wrongs people has done to me against them.  So there are days I follow and there a days I fail.  I really need to be more consistent with following rather than failing.

The last of the song says no turning back.  There are days I want to turn back and not care what happens, but then I realize I am so much more happy following Jesus that I can't imagine myself turning back.  I see the lost of the world and how miserable they are even with all the money and possessions they could imagine.  I don't have much money compared to America's standards and I am  working on getting rid of things I do have, but I am truly happy following Jesus.

Have a great week!

Loneliness

I have times where I get so lonely its depressing.  Going to a sweetheart banquet alone sent me back into one of those times. It hit me so hard at the banquet I went into the bathroom and cried in the middle of it, and told someone later that I wished I hadn't even gone.  That feeling is still lingering, here at the end of Monday.  When I hit these times, I do two things: 1) I shut everyone out except a very select few, 2) I eat myself silly and I can guarantee you it is not healthy food I am gorging on.   On top of this, I am very stressed at work the last few weeks and I tend to do the same things when I am stressed, so combine the two and I am a basket case that gobbles chocolate!!!!

I have recognized the feeling before, but this is the first time I have recognized the behaviors that go with the feelings. So now that I have recognized, I have to do something to change it.  I feel better eating fruits and veggies, getting fresh air and exercise, writing my feelings out, and the most important immersing myself in Bible studies.

These things help me to see that I am valuable and there is a reason I am single. It also shows me that even though I am single, I am not alone. I have a God who has a plan for my life and takes excitement in planning my life and molding me to His plan. I also have a wonderful family who also wants the best for me.  I have friends who have stuck  by me in some of the toughest situations.  I have kids at the school begging me to come back and calling me just to tell me they miss me and love me.  I have widows who think I am the sweetest thing on the planet ( I have them really fooled! lol)  I have a pastor and pastor's wife who ask me weekly if not daily about my life and let me know that they are praying for me.

I may not be in a romantic relationship at the moment, but I know God is with me and has a plan for me.  Even if I don't know what it is at the moment (even if I have hopes), I trust Him with my life because every time I try to take over I completely mess it up!