Loneliness

I have times where I get so lonely its depressing.  Going to a sweetheart banquet alone sent me back into one of those times. It hit me so hard at the banquet I went into the bathroom and cried in the middle of it, and told someone later that I wished I hadn't even gone.  That feeling is still lingering, here at the end of Monday.  When I hit these times, I do two things: 1) I shut everyone out except a very select few, 2) I eat myself silly and I can guarantee you it is not healthy food I am gorging on.   On top of this, I am very stressed at work the last few weeks and I tend to do the same things when I am stressed, so combine the two and I am a basket case that gobbles chocolate!!!!

I have recognized the feeling before, but this is the first time I have recognized the behaviors that go with the feelings. So now that I have recognized, I have to do something to change it.  I feel better eating fruits and veggies, getting fresh air and exercise, writing my feelings out, and the most important immersing myself in Bible studies.

These things help me to see that I am valuable and there is a reason I am single. It also shows me that even though I am single, I am not alone. I have a God who has a plan for my life and takes excitement in planning my life and molding me to His plan. I also have a wonderful family who also wants the best for me.  I have friends who have stuck  by me in some of the toughest situations.  I have kids at the school begging me to come back and calling me just to tell me they miss me and love me.  I have widows who think I am the sweetest thing on the planet ( I have them really fooled! lol)  I have a pastor and pastor's wife who ask me weekly if not daily about my life and let me know that they are praying for me.

I may not be in a romantic relationship at the moment, but I know God is with me and has a plan for me.  Even if I don't know what it is at the moment (even if I have hopes), I trust Him with my life because every time I try to take over I completely mess it up!