Loneliness

I have times where I get so lonely its depressing.  Going to a sweetheart banquet alone sent me back into one of those times. It hit me so hard at the banquet I went into the bathroom and cried in the middle of it, and told someone later that I wished I hadn't even gone.  That feeling is still lingering, here at the end of Monday.  When I hit these times, I do two things: 1) I shut everyone out except a very select few, 2) I eat myself silly and I can guarantee you it is not healthy food I am gorging on.   On top of this, I am very stressed at work the last few weeks and I tend to do the same things when I am stressed, so combine the two and I am a basket case that gobbles chocolate!!!!

I have recognized the feeling before, but this is the first time I have recognized the behaviors that go with the feelings. So now that I have recognized, I have to do something to change it.  I feel better eating fruits and veggies, getting fresh air and exercise, writing my feelings out, and the most important immersing myself in Bible studies.

These things help me to see that I am valuable and there is a reason I am single. It also shows me that even though I am single, I am not alone. I have a God who has a plan for my life and takes excitement in planning my life and molding me to His plan. I also have a wonderful family who also wants the best for me.  I have friends who have stuck  by me in some of the toughest situations.  I have kids at the school begging me to come back and calling me just to tell me they miss me and love me.  I have widows who think I am the sweetest thing on the planet ( I have them really fooled! lol)  I have a pastor and pastor's wife who ask me weekly if not daily about my life and let me know that they are praying for me.

I may not be in a romantic relationship at the moment, but I know God is with me and has a plan for me.  Even if I don't know what it is at the moment (even if I have hopes), I trust Him with my life because every time I try to take over I completely mess it up!

Just a Reminder

There is so much pressure in the world to be beautiful and perfect and I think this picture sums up what we should be thinking about when it comes to beauty and perfection! It's found in Jesus!


Have a Wonderful Wednesday Everyone!

The Importance of Serving While Single

Ecclesiastes 12:1  Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;


Psalm 37:4-5 Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

I believe it is important to serve others no matter what your state is,single, married, widowed, handicapped, young, old, what have you. There is always a way to serve someone else no matter what, even if it is very small in your eyes. 

I am fairly young and completely healthy and love to help others.  The verse in Ecclesiastes says to remember your Creator in the days of your youth.  I have heard countless older people tell me that they wish they had the opportunity to work in the church or other various things to serve and just couldn't because their health kept them from it. They are still serving by being an encouragement to others and giving advice to the ones who will listen.

The verse in Psalm says to delight yourself in the Lord and to commit your ways to Him and He will give you the desires of your heart. I believe that if you focus on serving God and serving others as He commands us, that He will give you not only what you need but also your wants. 

I also believe that just because I am single, it is pointless for me to sit around and do nothing but wait on a spouse and then start working.  I want a spouse that is willing to work and wants to serve others, so it doesn't make sense for just to sit around and do nothing until he shows up, because when he does come around, he won't want anything to do with me if I am doing nothing because he will think I'm lazy and he will want someone working for the Lord also.
In some ways, it is easier to serve while you are single. I have had opportunities to travel (not out of the country, but to different parts of the country. I can't wait to get out of the country too!) that if I have had to worry about taking care of a spouse or kids I wouldn't have been able to go. Some of these opportunities show up last minute, and since it is just me I can just pack a bag and go!

Ok, so now some of my favorite ways to serve. 

1) Our church has nursing home services that I absolutely love going to.  It makes me so thankful of everything I have, my family, my health, and my ability to go anytime I want.  I go to be a blessing but most of the time I come away the one blessed! These sweet people most of the time have no one to care about them, and they just love the attention. Most of them have such a sweet spirit and are so encouraging, even though you are there to encourage them.

2) My church has a Christian school, and my favorite way to serve hands down is going to volunteer at the school. I absolutely love those kids! On a whole they are really great kids and it is an honor to help shape them and prepare them for life.  I have a couple that needed more tutoring than others and they have my phone number and still call me to help tutor them!

3) Mission trips- Again I have only been to trips inside the country and I cannot wait until I get to go outside of the country too! I have been to one in Arkansas where we went into one of the poorest counties in America. My group helped with a two week youth camp. I cried the whole week! The families I saw and the condition they were in made me so thankful for everything I have.  You could obviously tell they didn't have a tenth of the "things" I have, but on a whole were  many times more thankful for what they did have.  I have also been to Harland, KY several times, and will get to go back this year.  This a coal mining community who struggles to make ends meet, and we are getting to give food and toys out for Christmas.  I love helping the kids put their toys together and playing with them!

I honestly believe we are the ones who get the blessing when we serve others!

Have a great Monday Everyone!

Singleness

This post is just some raw feelings. I actually wrote it a couple days ago and still feel this way today, but over the weekend I realized that I am blessed even though I am single.  I don't feel as depressed as this sounds like I did, but I am sure that will come back. But for the time being, I am trying to focus on the positive and just trust God and praise Him for the blessings I do have.


I long for a husband.  I find myself lonely a lot these days wishing I had that mate whom I could spend the rest of my days with.  I realize I am supposed to trust God and wait in Him but that is so hard.  I told myself I would not look for another guy to try to fix the hurt that came from someone close to me who I never thought would hurt me, but since I told myself that I have had two former relationships (however brief they were) get in contact with me. While nothing serious has happened from these talks, it still reminds me that I am lonely. I also wonder if it is a trick to get my mind off of God to try to pursue either of these guys. There has got to be someone special out there for me, who will treat me different than previous relationships. I want to be able to trust my heart with someone and have him trust me the same way and merge our live together and serve the Lord together.

I feel like I am being punished for doing the right thing while those around me get to be happy because they were dishonest and willing to hurt others to be together. Everyone has been telling me I need to get married and they just don't understand that I haven't found the right one yet.  I thought I knew who it was and then he hurt me, and I then I thought I found him again, but I have never met him in person just on Facebook and while I admire him and his work I just don't see how that could work since he lives across the state (but stranger things have happened. my brother met his wife in Oklahoma.) and I know I tend to rush God and that gets me in trouble, but I have to be the worst in the world at waiting.

I get told all the time that I am beautiful and pretty (and I have a pretty decent self esteem but it is still nice to hear), but it seems like the only guys that are interested in me, are only interested in sleeping with me, and I have decided that I deserve so much more than to just get used physically. and then sometimes I think, if I did let myself then at least I would be with someone.

I have always wanted to adopt but I always wanted to do it with someone and build a family. I always wanted someone to even out my weaknesses with their strengths and  the other way around. I know there are perks to being to single, but right now all I see is the loneliness. I am at that stage of life where everyone I went to school with , and all my friends are getting married and having kids and I want that too. I want someone to share holidays with joint families.

The older I get the more I have a hard time waiting because I feel like my age will keep me from getting married. I know in my head that it won't but I am in a culture when everyone gets married young because that is when we are physically at our best. My parents also married young and I always thought I would too. Now I am seeing how wrong I was. I read a lot of blogs where most of them are wives and moms and most of them are my age or younger and that really doesn't help. I have heard over and over when the time is right God will send the right one along, but most of the time the people saying this are the ones who are already happily married and it really doesn't help that much.  I started this blog to try to help single women like me, but I don't see where I can help if I still have all of these feelings that it doesn't seem like I can control. Maybe it is just helping someone because I am going through this with them.