Ok so this last week has been very emotional for me for several reasons. I sat down yesterday morning with tears streaming down my face while I scribbled my frustrations with the world and life in general. I don't understand people or why they do the things they do. While last week was tough, everytime I went to church I heard exactly what I needed to hear. To not give up and to keep going and to work on myself and not worry so much about other people that are knowingly doing wrong and getting by with it for now.
So after crying most of the morning, church was cancelled last night because of the weather. I worked on some crafts and finished a baby blanket for a very dear friend, and then had a different friend take me out to eat and we watched Christmas movies and the end of the football game. It was exactly what I needed. I could literally feel my insides healing.
I have been thinking alot about what I want to do with my life next year and the next few years. (I am a little early on the New's Years Resolutions, so I will save the details until later!) I have so many opportunities if I just work at it, I feel like I could really make something of myself. Part of last week's frustrations were me not feeling good enough or like I have accomplished enough for my age.
I don't feel like I will be single forever, and I have in my head the kind of man I want. I read the Advent reading for today, and it is a passage people read every year. (Matthew 1:18-21) Something jumped out at me that really I had never noticed. Joseph truly loved Mary. He wasn't willing to turn her in because of what looked like her sin. He had to be hurt with the thought of her having another man's child, but instead of having her killed (which in those days was his right) he tried to put her away somewhere where she could have the child. At this point, the angel had not come to him yet. He had to be dealing with feelings of hurt and betrayal, but still he loved her. That is not only the kind of man I want, but also the kind of person I want to be. I am trying so hard not to let my feelings of hurt turn into bitterness and anger. Right now, I am just thankful for the supporting friends (including my mom) who just listen to me rant and support me when I am at my lowest.
One other thing Joseph did that I find an amazing quality, he listened to God and trusted Him completely when God told him about Mary. It takes a strong person to listen to God and hold on to what He says when the situation seems hopeless. That is what I am trying to do right now. Just hold onto the promises He has given me!
I hope everyone stays dry and has a wonderful Monday!